Stephanie Sigler MS, NCC, LPC, PhD ABD, is a licensed mental health professional and nationally certified sex coach. Holding her master’s in clinical Mental Health, Ms. Sigler is licensed by the Texas Licensing Board of Counselors (Lic#78907), Florida Department of Health (Lic#TPMC1434), and is certified by the National Board for Certified Counselors (Cert#744231). Stephanie also holds certifications from The Gottman Institute as a Level 1 certified therapist and The Modern Sex Institute specializing in Alternative Relationships.
Stephanie is the owner of Beautiful Beginnings Counseling, a mental health practice in Texas and Florida; co-owner of Evolve Your Intimacy, a guidance center for those worldwide looking to educate, enlighten, and involve your intimacy; co-owner of The Kinky Koach LLC, a professional platform linking Kink and Fetish educators with worldwide users; and co-owner of Stephanie and Fox, a sex positive podcast with professional guests discussing topics like relationships, intimacy, sex education, sexuality, and non-monogamy.
Stephanie is in a Consensual Non-Monogamous relationship with her lover and business partner Fox who is also her co-host on the podcast. She loves skydiving, theater, design and seeks adventure outdoors.
“Sex therapy can be very expensive and that could limit the options for some couples but by partnering with ASN Lifestyle Magazine, we are opening the door for an open dialogue about sexual issues or taboo questions using the Ask Stephanie feature” -Stephanie Sigler
Click Here to: Ask Stephanie, MS, NCC, LPC | ASN Lifestyle Magazine
First Name: Sara
Last Name Initial K
Subject: The LS
Dear Stephanie,
What might be the best most ethical way to approach a vanilla couple and possibly introduce them to the lifestyle?
Dear Sara,
Thank you for writing in. Approaching a vanilla couple about the lifestyle can be tricky. First, I want you to examine your reason for approaching them. Is this a couple you want to play with; therefore, are you sharing this information with them? Or are you wanting to simply share your exciting world with them?
Second, I would encourage you to evaluate the quality of their relationship by asking yourself, “is their relationship in a place where they would benefit from the lifestyle as a couple?” If you are unsure about the caliber of their relationship or there is a constant negativity surrounding their relationship, then I would hold off on talking to them about the lifestyle. Maybe suggest couples counseling if there is a constant negativity between them. The lifestyle does not ‘fix’ a broken relationship.
Third, is this a friendship that you are willing to lose? If you approach this couple and they choose to discontinue their friendship, how will that affect the quality of your life? If they know details about your lifestyle and have never asked you for more insight, then more than likely, they are not interested. I have found that those who are curious will ask for more details and reveal their curiosity naturally.
If you have evaluated all of the above and make the choice to continue with the conversation regarding your lifestyle, I would suggest that you start with throwing out some sexual innuendos to see how they react. If they react positively, continue flirting and see where it goes but allow them to dictate the flow of the conversation and flirting. You know you are open, no need to prove it to them. Allow them to show you what they are comfortable with. If the couple completely disregards your sexual advances, then abort the conversation and move on to another topic.
There are many sexy couples in the lifestyle that are more than willing to play with you and your partner. I encourage you to evaluate what attracts you to this couple and find those characteristics in a couple already in the lifestyle. They are there, they want to play with you, and you don’t run the risk of losing your established friendship.
I hope this helps you and I wish you best on your lifestyle adventures.
First Name: Pepper
Last Name Initial: S
Subject: Starting Out
How do you help someone who has expressed interest in the lifestyle get past their religious hang ups about it?
Dear Pepper,
This a great question regarding a common situation surrounding the lifestyle. There are many couples in the lifestyle who successfully balance religion and swinging. There is even an online dating service called Christian Swingers. However, newbies tend to struggle with cognitive dissonance, conflicting beliefs, and attitudes. Society sells the narrative that sex outside of your marriage or relationship is a terrible act that will lead you straight to hell. For many, this is an extremely hard stigma to overcome, especially if they were raised in a religious environment. Thankfully, the lifestyle hosts an atmosphere free of judgement and overflowing with acceptance.
Our friends at SwingersHelp.com provided that “swingers are not just scary atheist heathens. There are many devoutly Christian, Jewish, and Muslim swingers as well as agnostics and atheists.” I encourage clients who are struggling with their religion and the lifestyle to explore what adultery means to them personally and as a couple. There are many controversial elements to the bible and other religious texts that are regularly broken, and society doesn’t melt down. However, sex outside of the marriage bed is forbidden. For example, Proverbs 23:2 tells anyone who overeats to the point of gluttony should cut their throats. WHAT! Religious texts have been interpreted so many times by various scholars leaving the original meaning skewed.
I encourage you to support your friend’s interest in the lifestyle by holding a conversation about their concerns and providing resources that help them formulate their own opinions surrounding their personal beliefs. Religion is a personal journey for many so hold space for their concerns and lend an ear when they need to discuss and process their concerns.
Again, thank you for reaching out and I wish you the best.
First Name: Donna
Last Name Initial: S
Subject: Holiday Parties
Hi Stephanie! We’re relatively new to the lifestyle and navigating the waters can be a bit tricky and have found great communication is key. Holiday parties are coming up and we’ve just been invited to attend several. How can I broach the subject to my spouse? Holiday parties have never been a part of our lives before the lifestyle.
Dear Donna,
Holiday parties are such fun events and can help couples connect while experiencing a special event with friends and family. You expressed that you are relatively new to the lifestyle and discovered that communication is key, that is great. I understand that holiday parties have not been part of your lives, but neither was the lifestyle. I can’t image that you didn’t wake up one day and start swinging. I am sure many hours of communication and negotiation went into your decision as a couple.
I can posit that value has been added to your life since beginning your journey in the lifestyle. I would begin the conversation with your part by highlighting how that value has increased your intimacy. I would strongly suggest using “I” statements to express your desire to attend some of the parties. Also, you stated that you have been invited to several parties. I would sit down with my partner and explore the parties, guest lists, hosts, and other information you have been provided then as a couple decide which holiday party would be the most fun for you guys. You don’t have to attend every party you have been invited to this holiday season.
I hope this information helps you to communicate your desire to attend holiday parties and if we end up at the same party make sure to introduce yourself. Happy Holidays!!!
