Sharing your sexual fantasies with your partner can be a scary thing to do, especially if those fantasies involve “outside of the norm” kinds of themes. For a lot of people, the fear of being harshly judged or rejected by their partner is enough to keep those fantasies buried deep in the closet. Cuckolding is no different. I’ve heard many stories over the years of men who got the courage to tell their wife about their cuckolding fantasies and it didn’t go well. This is what has inspired me to share my tips on how to approach her in a way that will hopefully make things go well.
Nearly all of the men who I have come across have developed an interest in cuckolding fantasies through watching cuckold porn. They’ve watched it for years and already know what types of cuckolding or hotwifing fantasies turn them on. They have preferences for certain scenarios, scripts, kinks…they know what they like and what they don’t like and it all revolves around the sexual acts of her fucking someone else. So, it’s no wonder that when they go to talk to their wife about their cuckolding fantasies they start with something like “It would be so hot if you fucked some other guy..” This will more than likely come way out of left field for her and she will react with “Wait…what? Is this your sneaky way of trying to fuck other women?” She’s immediately suspecting the worst.
What he fails to realize is that his wife is not there to simply perform for him or act out his fantasies for him. For her to “buy into” this kind of fantasy she needs to understand what’s in it for her and not just how it benefits him. This is the missing piece of the communication puzzle and it is vital.
There is a sequence that is very important bringing this up to your wife. In the December 2021 issue of ASN Magazine I wrote about how to invest in your wife’s confidence. This absolutely needs to come first. She will never feel comfortable sleeping with someone else if she lacks sexual self-confidence – it is absolutely necessary.
Next you will need to spend some time assuring her that you have no interest in sleeping with other women. She needs to trust you 100% on this so don’t just say it once – say it over and over and in many different ways. Your loyalty and fidelity needs to be at the forefront of the conversation.
And for the most important part….re-frame the conversation away from your cuckolding fantasy and instead towards her sexual empowerment. Understand that the women in porn are acting out a scene – you are watching your wife will feel totally different. You will be in awe of your wife’s sexual prowess, her sexual appeal, her confidence – and that is what you will turn you on the most. Her sexual exploration with others is what will make you feel so fulfilled sexually that you have no interest in sleeping with other women.
Explain to her that you are giving her the gift to explore her sexuality with others (and you find that such a turn on) while she involves you in some way, and that gift is what will bring your relationship to new heights of love and trust. This is a journey you would like to go on with her and she’s in the driver’s seat. She can decide what that journey looks like, with whomever she chooses, and it can take however long she wants – no pressure. Do not present her with a list of wants or rules or whatever. Let’s face it, if she loves you and cares about your relationship she will take your feelings into consideration and talk to you about these things so you don’t need to hold on to those threads of control by implementing rules upon her.
But what about your sexual fantasies? You will get them. It may take a little bit of waiting patiently but it will come in time. Nurturing your wife’s sexual empowerment is the key to getting there so let her take her time and get to that point however she wants and she will reward you with the most amazing and incredible sexual journey along the way.
Founder, Venus Connections – private matchmaking for loving cuckolding relationships
Producer and Host, The Venus Cuckoldress Podcast – a place to learn all things cuckolding for the curious, the passionate, and the sexually empowered woman who wants it all
The March 2022 issue can be found HERE